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Holidays, especially, are giving you a glimpse into how your partner has been taught and trained. Sit up, take notes, because believe me you’ll want to feel prepared for the test that comes later. Love can be the worst form of manipulation there is.
And the test will come like a train on a dark and stormy night! I first asked this question in , and I think it boils down to this: Is their love based on YOU or is their love based on THEM? Your partner can look and smell like a rose, and yet continue to prick you with their sharpened barbs.
Both values are good, but if not articulated and discussed it could be a point of high conflict if the responsible person likes consistency and persistence, while the risk-taker likes changing things up and going for the impossible.
Take me for example, one of my core values is authenticity.
One of the greatest causes for conflict in marriage are contradicting core values.
I’d describe core values as beliefs that are fundamental to how you are wired, guiding your actions, thoughts, plans, and purpose on this earth.
Does your partner seek out ways to understand how you receive love and meet that need? If you or the person you’re dating loves out of their insecurities, their love will be needy and selfish. Are they willing to honestly talk about money at all or is the topic taboo?
When someone loves from their strengths they know who they are and are drawing from a deep, full well to give to you without demanding a drink in return. Honestly, going into marriage with my wife I really struggled talking about money.
Or are they challenging you to become a better, authentic you?Are you fitting and conforming to some abstract idea of what you think they want?Or are you blossoming and flourishing into who you really are?Not trying to change you, but trying to bring the best to the top.A spouse should be like a gold miner, going under the surface to uncover the invaluable stuff underneath.
Is the person you’re dating like a magnet trying to bring the best of you to the surface?