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But they do talk to their partners about feminism once in a relationship.
“I didn’t start to have those awarenesses until I was an adult, and these women are having it now.”Zoe, a 19-year-old student at Brooklyn College, never “had to have the conversation with myself that I was a feminist, but I didn’t really know what it meant until the Beyoncé song [“Flawless”].
Lana, a 20-year-old who goes to Hampshire College, says of her boyfriend of a little over a year, “We’re both musicians, and he’ll say, ‘you play like a girl,’ and laugh.” Almost all the women I spoke to had experiences like this, but varied on whether they found it bothersome or not. ’ When you’re trying to use that as a flirting method, I’m like, this person is canceled.”And being a person of color, she says, dating is “a whole ‘nother ball game.
One told me that she could tell the guy was joking, because that’s not the kind of thing you’d say if you were serious. It is always something that I feel I’m conscious of when I’m even just hooking up, a part of me is like, so what are your beliefs on this issue?
“Identifying as a male feminist has sexual currency,” says Valenti.
The women I talked to, however, don’t tend to demand feminism bona fides before going on dates or hanging out with someone.
At the same time, a man who’s bragged about groping women holds the top office in our country, the gender pay gap persists, and abortion rights continue to be chipped away in various states.