Non drinker dating
The rules of dating had shifted completely since I was a young lass and, without the social lubricant of martinis or wine, my old-school M. of getting wasted and ending up in bed with a cute guy from the party clearly wasn’t an option. Insensitive, I have gone on hundreds of dates—a handful with guys from the rooms but mostly online finds, generally social drinkers. So I decided to look into what’s worked for other sober folks, and to see what experts had to say about the matter of dating in recovery.
cautions that relationships are “the number one relapse trigger” so it’s first important to take the time to “heal yourself first.” Faulkner’s healthy-dating-in-sobriety checklist is key: “You should have a solid base of recovery—two years; no relapses; you should have worked the steps; you should be meeting often with your sponsor to discuss dating; and you should regularly be attending your home-group meetings.” She adds, “Both people should attend Al-Anon meetings, too.
“Not everyone who says they don’t drink or who doesn’t drink around you is necessarily a safe person to date; I look back at that time as the most precarious part of my sobriety.” Of course, there are issues to deal with if even the best-case scenario happens: You and that normie fall in love.
You’re going to have to address serious quandaries.
Still, it’s important to keep in mind that, as Lucia says, “If a relationship ends, it’s God’s will; trust that something better will come along.
You can be sad when your metaphorical house burns down but know that’s God’s way of clearing out the wreckage for a far better person to come into your life.” Ultimately, says Mary Faulkner, “There isn’t a black-and-white answer to the question of whether a sober person should date a drinker.” But, she adds, “If the sober person is in early recovery or if the drinker is a problem drinker, the outlook is dim.
In other words, though it’s hard when Hurricane Love sweeps through your life, it’s crucial to keep up the work.Should you follow Faulkner’s advice and ask your beloved attend meetings?Do you invite him or her along to socialize with your sober posse? Bring your questions to everyone you know with more sober experience: Ask your sponsor, your sober fellowship, and, if you’re the praying type, pray for guidance.When I first decided to get sober, I told my fiancé, “I think I am going to go to AA and quit the booze for good.” His reply: “Awww, I’m gonna lose my drinking buddy? ” As you may expect, that relationship imploded shortly thereafter.So, at the age of 38, single for the first time since I was 25, I was newly sober, heartbroken, and absolutely befuddled.
“ He had a reputation as a serious partier and he wasn't in a program,” Amy reveals.